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Despair 4/9/2002
Sunk like a rock, waves crash overhead.
To feel the breeze would be heaven.
Life sunk under, torn apart above.
Look up, it's out there, but not within reach.
No way, not ever, they won't let you.
I'm too submerged into the deep.
A wreck nearby, I feel it coming.
Splinters float and approach.
My vanquished being, leaving the world of which I once knew.
Fate has decided to take yet another victim in her game.
Join me, she beckons, join me to the other side.
I look up and I see the stars.
I long to feel the wind above.
Heaven, it seems, is nowhere near me.
I'm too pushed back beneath the waves.
Groaning with desire, I struggle.
My soul tries to leap out.
I lash back and forth, and just like the waves, I struggle against the current.
The air breathes in stagnant gusts of wind over my space.
I try to comprehend.
Knowing nothing of what could have been, learning all that there should have been.
I think to myself the proverb that I have created.
Shudder through my victim.
She has won another game.
Lonely through the wreck, aching back upward.
Twirling round and round I am dancing.
It ain't over yet.
Then the world will come to recognize.
The shelter, the fire, the warmth, and the cold.
The heat, the loveliness, life, and myself.
At last, I can see everything worth living for.
At last, I can hope to survive.
She will never win.
She only thinks she has won.
Fate will be tested to my own extent.
It's MY turn to survive.

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